How Trauma and Impulsivity Shape Tom's Story in ADORE

As I sat on the couch, reluctantly avoiding my midterm studies, I aimlessly scrolled through the TV guide searching for my favorite form of procrastination, a movie. That’s when I stumbled upon ADORE, directed by Anne Fontaine. I caught the tail end of the film, and honestly, my brain went into full-on WTF mode. So naturally, I had to rewind and watch the whole dam thing.

Adore isn’t exactly what it appears to be. It’s one of those films that makes you sit back and thank the ‘gods’ for having a boring life.

The film's plot revolves around two best friends, Roz (played by Robin Wright) and Lil (played by Naomi Watts), who ‘swap’ their sons, Ian (Xavier Samuel) and Tom (James Frecheville), for a bit of excitement. While Roz and Ian’s affair was transpired from a genuine connection, that steamy storyline isn't what I want to focus here. Instead, I want to dive into the more complex relationship between Lil and Tom—especially Tom, the son who caught his mother leave his best friend's bedroom in his own home.

At first, Tom had shown little interest in his mother’s friend, Lil, beyond a few flirtatious moments that could easily be brushed off as teasing. However, everything changes when he witnesses his mother’s affair, a moment that triggers a downward spiral into his character’s reckless relationships. This shift is clear in the following scene, where Tom is seen sitting alone on the beach, clearly shaken by what he’s just witnessed and trying to process his emotions. He eventually lies down on the sand and falls into a deep sleep, waking up to find himself alone the following morning. Later, Tom visits Lil’s house to confront her about what he saw. In a moment of emotional turmoil, he attempts to kiss her, possibly as an act of retaliation against his best friend, Ian, whom he feels is responsible for the collapse of his family. Lil pulls away, warning him about his poor decision, but Tom, undeterred, tries again, which leads to their first love scene.

We can do some pretty dumb shit at the heat of the moment.

When I first started watching this film, one thought kept echoing in my mind. For instance, how easy would it be to get swept up in ADORE’s seductive premise, just think about it, two older women with younger men, right? It sounds liberating and provocative. It's tempting to view the character’s situation as a fantasy or kink. But as I watched more closely, I realized this isn’t the entire story the film wants to tell. While it certainly focuses on the characters' romantic entanglements, it also explores the darker consequences of revenge and the ripple effect of making impulsive, flawed decisions.

After his affair with Lil, Tom moves on to focus on his career and eventually meets a woman his own age—someone I’d like to believe he would have met regardless of his entanglement with Lil. Over time, Tom ends things with Lil and marries the young woman, seemingly settling into a new life with a daughter of his own. However, when Ian catches his mother Lil in bed with Tom, we, as the audience, learn that they’ve been having an affair the entire time Tom was married, mirroring his mother’s actions and ultimately tearing apart his family.

When I reflect on this character, and I admit I may be biased, he comes across as broken and unhealed. Tom and Lil's relationship feels less like a romance and more like an act of retaliation that eventually morphed into a mutually satisfying affair. The film never shows a gradual development of love between them—only their shared infatuation, which they both use to fill the voids in their lives.

When we experience trauma, I believe it’s important to take a step back and process how it impacts us, and how much we're willing to let it dictate our future.

For Tom, revenge—specifically, sexual vengeance—seems to take over his life, sabotaging any chance at a future where he could have been conventionally happy. Instead, he loses his wife and child, ultimately settling into the mess that his decisions created